Wednesday, July 9, 2008

How to succeed in college, part 2.

Today's example comes from my nutrition class (my science credit so I can get my damn degree and be done with it.)

The discussion section is a large part of online classes for my school, so this week's discussion assignment is as follows.

This topic is easy. Over the next week, I want you to look at how the American society is bombarded with two themes.
We all must work out
We all need to lose weight.
Since it is the new year, what have you seen, heart, etc from the media on these themes?


And here, dear friends, is my response.

So I was visiting my parents down in <censored> over the weekend of my birthday (just this past weekend,) and I was exposed to television for the first time in nearly 3 years. I was reminded of the major reason I can't stand TV, advertising. Every other ad it seemed was for a weight loss drug, or for a gym, and all of them seemed outright rude in their approach to sell the product.

"Are you an ugly hideous chud with love handles and no muscle? Come in to your local 'roidjunkies and give us way too much money to exercise in our facilities even though you're too lazy to do it on your own when it's free."

And then of course there's the weight loss drugs, none of which are approved by the FDA, but so long as they make sure to TELL you that in teeny tiny text at the bottom of the screen, that's okay.

"Hey you! Fatty! Are you sitting on the couch instead of at the beach because you resemble a humpback whale who's taken a few too many trips to the buffet? This new pill is CLINICALLY PROVEN to turn you intoa superhero sex machine in 30 days or your money back and the best part is, you don't have to change your diet or even get your big fat ass off the sofa!"

These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA and we're not responsible if you end up with cancer or die of a heart attack because you thought taking this pill meant you could eat an entire cake for breakfast every day, any attempt to actually get a refund will be futile as our business will have closed by then and opened up elsewhere under a new name.

(Obviously the above examples are satire)


So, needless to say, I was thoroughly sickened and reminded of why I don't even own a television anymore.The message all of this seems to convey isn't one of health, but of personal appearance and acceptance by the rest of society.


I would hope that most people are intelligent enough that they know there is no magic pill they can take which lets them circumvent proper nutrition, if you eat a whole cake every day, and chase it down with a few pounds of bacon, you're not going to be healthy, no matter what pills you're taking, or what some crazy doctor like that atkin's wackadoo tell you.

I still have absolutely no idea how I get away with this shit and not fail classes. The teachers must like me, or at least have a functioning sense of humour.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Why the hell are you here?

Mixing it with the primates.  Dragging your knuckles and picking fleas?  OOK OOK! OOK OOK MOTHERFUCKER!

You're not like them and you know it!  You want to escape somewhere and be you? The REALLY REAL you?  TOO BAD! YOU CAN'T!  Unless you wanna be the next shack dwelling wacko...  But there IS something you can do.

Hopefully they already think you're one of them, so we can skip the lesson in camouflage.  Now, look around, there's some apes that are "different" aren't there?  They don't act like the other apes.  They look, and act and talk contrary to the rest.  You might even have spent some time with them, or thought maybe you'd belong better with them.  Want the secret? They're exactly like the rest! If any of them actually "gets" it and see's what you can see, they've already lost the game, they've already blown their chance to change things.  Since they chose to wear a different type of fur than the other, "normal" apes, they've been labeled as "Outsiders", or "Threats" or "Anarchists" or worse.  Any message they might have had, is now completely lost in preconceived notions.

So you, you're still in the clear right?  The rest of the knuckle draggers think you're just like them?  Are you starting to see just how great an opportunity you have?  The best place to be when you want to change things, improve things, or even just shake things up is right where you are, the inside!

 

So you want to start things, but where to begin?

 

The Discordian Society might be a place to start.

 

http://www.principiadiscordia.com

 

We're not waiting for you, but if you hurry there might still be some fun left when you get here.

 

Rev. M. Star K.S.C.