Sunday, December 30, 2007

George W. Caesar

ALL RIGHT YOU GODDAMNED LIBERAL HIPPIE PINKO SCUMBAG CRYBABIES

LISTEN UP!

George Bush cares about you!  He cares about your freedom, and your god given right as citizens of this most glorious of God's blessed nations, The United States of America!

He understands that most of you have been brainwashed by the liberal media to believe that war is bad, but that's simply not true.  Our country was founded by WAR, you wouldn't want to be sitting around in the afternoon sipping tea and eating scones and blessing the QUEEN would you?  Are you some kinda faggot?  Hell no! I didn't think so.  This country was founded by war, and kept STABLE by war, and GOD BLESS IT! OUR ENTIRE ECONOMY IS BASED ON WAR!  You wouldn't want the economy to fail and have to start driving one of those hippie hybrids.  Don't you want to keep driving that 75 passenger H3 that keeps your 2.5 children safe on the 7 block drive at 25 miles per hour to the grocery store?  OF COURSE YOU DO!  BECAUSE YOU'RE A GOOD PARENT!  Sure, those liberals tell you that Johnny has serious mental issues and can't tell reality from fantasy, but good citizens like you, and me, and Jack Thompson, and GEORGE BUSH.  We know the truth, videogames BRAINWASHED your son to be a mindless zombie killing machine.


George Bush knows what's best for this country because he is personally blessed by the almighty Jesus Christtm  The almighty directs George Bush to do good things for all Americans and to lead you all home to the one true God.

 

George Bush has done more for this country, no, for DEMOCRACY GOD DAMNIT! in his nearly 8 years, that we couldn't possibly think to ask him to step down next year after some liberal minority rigs an election to undo all the good he's done.  THAT dear friends, is why we must act quickly, and proclaim George Walker Bush, EMPEROR FOR LIFE!  So that he may be allowed to grace us with his divine insight, and flawless leadership, for MANY MANY years to come.


ALL HAIL AMERICA!


ALL HAIL GEORGE W. CAESAR!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

We're towing your car!

So today, What a day. Let's try and break it down.

About 6:30am I wake up, it's a beautiful day, my spine has seized into a solid unmoving mass from L4 to S2 and getting out of bed requires no less than 30 minutes of agonizing fucking wonder.

After some unpleasant grunts and groans and more pain, I'm dressed, thanks muchly to the role of my girlfriend who's assistance was invaluable.

7:45am - My friend arrives to pick me up, my recent relapse has made getting behind the wheel of my car a relative impossibility. His large van makes for much more pleasant travel.

7:55am - We arrive at the college, I gimp my way on my crutch to the health office, to deliver unto the nurse an updated report on my condition from my doctor, once again asserting my inability to participate in PE classes (And what the fuck college requires you to take PE any goddamn way.)

8:01am - I hand the notice to the nurse practitioner and I speak the holy words, "This is an updated script from my doctor, as of friday, due to your overturning of my last doctor's decision I have had nearly a 100% relapse of my condition, and I'd like to thank you for that." and I turn around, and begin to hobble away on my crutch. She begins to scream at me, about how it's "Not her fault" and "You have a disability" and then, having successfully baited me into turning around to respond. "Yes, I have a disability, which you chose to ignore when forcing me into this class when you knew I wasn't capable of performing it without further injury. So, in fact, it IS your fault, as my only option was to attempt to comply with your demands, or not get my degree in december." Three words into this statement, which I assure you, was calm-voiced and relaxed (counterpoint to her screaming at me angrily) she calls security.

8:04am - Three, yes, THREE 3 tres, a fucking TRIO of big, beefy, stick and flashlight bearing security guards (campus safety, what the fuck ever) come marching into the health office to take up position directly behind me. During this time, I have remained calm, and the nurse is now full-out fucking HYSTERICAL yelling at me, trying to rationalize what I can only assume is her guilt (read: fear of getting sued) over my exacerbated condition. I noticed, of course, three large men behind me with the threat of violence on their breath and raw primal pheromones from their under-deodourized armpits promising me a world of new pain. And I comment, while leaning heavily on my crutch, further obviating that I am incapable of doing much of anything in my condition, "It takes three big men with sticks to handle a cripple these days?" They showed genuine discomfort at my exposure of their intent to do harm to a defenseless man.

DING! Light goes off, my business here was done minutes ago, I said what I'd needed to say, and was ready to move on, but was BAITED, oh that evil bitch, she put the bait out, and I'm the dumb fucking sucker that bit. So I said, "I'm done with you. Goodbye." And walked out.

8:10am - I sit down on a bench to let my spine try and recover from the extended period of standing, and once again curse the Physician's Assistant who repeatedly tells me that I cannot have anything for the pain because I'm too young to risk getting addicted to pain killers. Beyond the fact that not too many years ago I was deep into drugs that make darvocet and hydrocodone look like flinstones vitamins, I just curse her stupidity, and my lack of a voice when it came time to remind her that NYS laws dictate that I cannot be refused treatment, esp. pain relief, make a mental note to make a new appointment with said Physician's Assistant's overseeing M.D.

We break from the timeline for a moment. For anyone who doesn't know, I suffered a serious spinal injury while I was a truck driver, effectively ending my career behind the wheel of said 40-ton weapon. It was revealed after that, that I would never recover, because I have degenerative disc disease (something I'd never heard of) and that my condition will only worsen over the years and the damaged discs will eventually become dessicated and inflexible, and eventually I will likely be unable to walk. I have been fighting workers' comp. for nearly 3 years now, seen more doctors than I care to remember, all of them with the same grim prognosis, and refusal to give me anything for the pain. I am not a surgical candidate and any attempts to perform surgery would likely result in my death, or permanent paralysis (if I can't feel my own dick, I don't wanna live, so fuck that.)

9:30am - I've been sitting in my ceramics class (which doesn't begin until 10am) working on a new sculpture for about 30 minutes now. My phone rings, clay-covered hands fish it out of my pocket. It's my neighbor, informing me that some creepy guy with a speech impediment and a pickup truck is demanding that my car be moved from my driveway so that he can drop a dumpster out back (apparently he owns the house in the rear) when I inform him, proxied through my neighbor, that I am unable to do so, and will not be home until 5pm, he informs me that the driveway "Is MAH PRAH PARR TEE AND I BEEN LETTIN YOU SUMMABITCHN KIDS PARK HERE FOR FREE" and mumbles off into incoherence. I am aware that the driveway is in fact within the property lines of my landlady, and tell him he'll just have to wait, and that should he feel the need to speak with my landlady to get into the specifics of property, that's his prerogative.

9:40am - Another phone call, there is now a tow truck, backed up to the rear-end of my FRONT WHEEL DRIVE car, ready to tow me, out of my own driveway. I tell the tow truck guy, through my neighbor, that the man who called him does not in fact own the property on which my car is parked, and his tow is illegal, but if he really wants to push the issue, i've got a friend willing to drive my girlfriend down there to move the car. He says "Too late, not my problem." and tows my car.

9:45am - Good Officer Somebody (Can't be arsed to remember his name) informs me that they don't deal with private property issues, and regardless of who owns the property, they can't get involved with the situation, that it's out of their hands. So without having to present evidence of ownership, yes, you can have someone's vehicle removed from their own driveway.

I make a mental note of this as well. Apparently I can drive over to Officer Risi (a cop with whom I am unpleasantly aquainted) and have his car towed from "MAH PRAH PARTEE!" without presenting proof of ownership of the property, and there's nothing the police can do about it. But moving on.

9:46am - The security guards come down to take a statement on my side of what happened, and I give it to them, word-for-word from my arrival to theirs. Also I ask them to make a note that while she was hysterically screaming (at a cripple) I remained calm and unthreatening, hence her calling them was obviously a ploy to escalate the situation into something dramatic and their presence was obviously un-neccesary, which they agree with. I inform them that I will be speaking with Dr. (Name deleted) the Dean-of-Students, as I have an appointment with him Friday, and will be lodging a formal complaint of misconduct and discrimination against the nurse.

12:45pm - My friend's class is over, mine has been over since noon, and a whole slew of my pottery and clay sculpture are being loaded into the kiln for a firing - the first good news all day. I am then driven to my Chiropractor's office, and I retrieve the form I will need for my Workers' Comp. hearing.

1:58pm - I am early for my comp. hearing and get the opportunity to chat with my attourney's comp. specialist about what we can do about some missed payments and other grievances, and he says he'll get it sorted. Also, because of some bullshit paper trail thing that the insurance company failed to comply with, my weekly comp. rate will be bumped up, tentatively, so, more good news.

2:05pm - I am again staggered at how much of my comp. case is handled before we ever have to sit down before the judge. The details come out so fast and furious in lawyer-jargon that I don't understand much of anything except the part where it clarifies a pay increase for YT[sup][sup]*[/sup][/sup]. I am then sworn in, and testify with single word responses that I am in fact, (Name Deleted) and that I am 26 years old, and that I am disabled, and that I have not worked since december...whatever, of last year (the date of my last hearing)

2:10pm - Back in the van, and rolling like a candy kid at a shitty garage rave. Turns out, my friend who is driving knows the man who owns the towing company. So we head on over there...

3:00pm - Arrive at the towing company, as my landlady is also calling said towning company, they assure me that they will release my car to me today, by 5pm (this never happened) but that they couldn't release it until someone paid, since this guy called for the tow, and since the tow was found to be unlawful, it has to be this guy who pays. I remove some things that I need from my car and I go home.

The day goes on uneventfully from there, and I am still without a car.

So, I guess new idea for a mindfuck, having people towed out of their own driveway.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

How to succeed at college

This is my submission for an assignment in my class "Intro. to Technical Writing.

First, here is the wording of the assignment.

Exercise 3: Assume that a new employee is taking over your job because you have been promoted. Identify a specific problem in the job that could cause difficulty for the new employee. Write instructions for the employee to help him or her for avoid or deal with the problem.

 

Next: My submission.

 

 

To whom it may concern:
Due to my recent promotion to the position of employed, you will be taking over my position as an unemployed World of Warcraft addict.  Congratulations, you are entering a world of long days and hard work, but also of great personal rewards.

I will assume already that you have been given the proper training to perform your new job, proper sitting techniques and keyboard/mouse positioning are important after all.  However, I feel that I should detail for you some of the problems you might run into while being unemployed and addicted to persistent world electronic gaming.

Problem 1: Eye-Strain
Eye-strain is a large problem for people not previously accustomed to spending upwards of 16 hours a day staring at a computer screen with little or no time for breaks, and extended periods of eye-strain can lead to severe headaches and even migraines.  I would recommend when this occurs a 10 to 15 minute break to give your eyes a rest, take some Aspirin or Tylenol or your preferred pain reliever, use a few drops of Visine or Clear-Eyes in each eye, and close your eyes (not too tight) for a few minutes to let them re-moisturize.

Problem 2: Aches and Pains
Eventually, even an experienced gaming addict will experience aches and pains on the job.  These aches and pains are usually felt most in the wrists, shoulders, and lower back.  If at all possible, you may wish to look into getting a prescription pain reliever from your physician, barring that you can try the following methods either on their own or in a combination.

1 - Carpal-tunnel wrist braces.
These are sold in many areas, though personally I have found the braces available at Herb Phillipsons' to be both affordable and effective.  Wearing these during periods of inactivity should help to alleviate the pain in your wrists.

2 - Lumbar support
Available at Wal*Mart and a variety of other places (I purchased mine from a truckstop in Troutdale, Oregon) a lumbar support cushion in the right place is worth it's weight in Warcraft Gold to keep your back pain to a minimum.

3 - Substance abuse
A tried and true method of relieving (or at least ignoring) aches and pains.  Drinking whiskey or smoking marijuana during extended sessions of playtime can be very beneficial.  Please note that authority figures do not necessarily approve of these methods so you should use discretion.

I hope that this information will help you to be successful in your new career.

Good Luck!
<Nottellingmyname> (Now Employed)

 

I think my teacher will be pleased.


Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Things you just can't say.


He says em anyway.
 

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Davis Fleetwood's Hippie Trilogy


Presentation is the first step to getting your point across. He's got it. And if ever I've seen a candidate for recruitment, this is he.

Also, please see his official site at http://www.nocureforthat.com

Friday, April 13, 2007

Repost (For anyone who thinks Pagans and Discordians get along...)

EpiskoposCain wrote an entry regarding recent attempts by himself and other members of PD.com trying to outreach This Forum.  I myself attempted to join with hopes of finding intelligent discourse on topics of discord and of paganism.  This all came crashing down, and now is made the call to arms.  Quoted next is Cain's post regarding the goings on.

 

Now I am not normally one for internet drama, unless its particularly funny, but this is a special situation and deserves some scrutiny.

Now, I've been on the internet, in a regular sense and as a Discordian, for about 3 years now. And each time I have tried, as a Discordian, to interact with Pagans, it has failed miserably except for a very few exceptional people.

First off there was the jack-offs at the now defunct Obsidian Mirror. To be fair, it was only really two admins out of the three who were the real problem and neither of them was the owner of the site or the forum in question (the forum was hosted elsewhere), but it was a flavour of what was to come.

Next was Mystic Wicks. A few of us from PrincipiaDiscordia.com decided to help out Verthaine with some work he was doing over there. At first, it all went well and we were integrating well with, I thought, the majority of Pagans there. Boy was I wrong. The owner and his minions came down on us like a ton of bricks, pretty much based on our irreligion and refusal to be impressed by their admin powers. However, there is much more to that and if you want the full story you can sign up at Eris Bar and Grill to read up on the events.

After that, a few of us became suspicious. It seemed like most times we tried to interact in a non-hostile/O:MF way with any other religion, we became public enemy number one. Kind of flattering, in a way, but not when you really have no ill intent. I suppose it just goes to prove how threatening our irreligion is to conventional order, even of supposedly open and permissive religions with a history of persecution (both real and imagined).

So, I was thinking of giving Paganism at large another chance and went over to Spiritual Forums. At first it looked good, maybe a bit strict with speech for my liking (no swearing etc) but otherwise fine. However, after I was asked to explain my religion by a forum regular, my links to POEE and Subgenius.com were deleted for being "commercial" and "mocking real religions". I was also informed that Discordianism was not a real religion and that if I insisted it was, I would end up banned (you wont find this thread by the way, it has been deleted, because it shows the admins breaking their own rules).

I tried to reason with the admin, with sensible debate. However, all Discordian threads were locked down and we were told to go discuss them in the Lounge, which is sort of the main chat area of the forum. Anyone who did so, however, got banned. I tried to mediate with a PM to one of the moderators, however when I tried to log on the next day, I was informed I had been banned for the High Crime of being a Discordian. A proxy got me back on, where I found this lovely little message awaiting me:

To all SubGenius, Pastafarian, Last Thursdayism and Discordians, you are not welcome at this forum, and any new members suspected of being such will be banned.

I know this is harsh and drastic, but if this is left unchecked, they could very well destroy this forum. I hope our long term and regular members understand the need for such action.
Now, I know I was foolish for trusting the benevolence of such an obvious Greyface, but even I didn't expect this harsh a response. There was some trolling, I admit, but it was in response to the unfair banning of several people, who had the audacity to stand on their hind legs and act like they had a spine.

To date, they have banned every new member, claiming they are a Discordian, or abusive, or without any reason at all.

I think that its fair to say that interaction with the vast majority of Pagan religions is now pretty much impossible for me to do. These jackasses should know better, but their CoN programming means when they get hit by a bigger religion, they find someone smaller and weirder to retaliate against. Predictable, really. To quote the Good Reverend Roger on such matters:
I am getting just a little sick and tired of being the whipping boy for every two bit wannabe "Pagan" that comes down the pike. It occurs to me also that I really don't feel the need to keep patiently explaining things to assholes who have had their minds made up by their masters.

I think I've really had enough of their shit, and it's high time I did something about it. Indeed, I think it's high time I SHIT MY HATE. Never liked those fuckers, anyway....Sorry, I guess I'm just an asshole. Or even a Discordian. A badwrong Discordian that really doesn't feel the need to put up with their bullshit, anymore. I never signed up to be anyone's fucking doormat, and I'll be damned if I'm going to put up with this...

The fucking Wiccans want to hate on us? Okay, no sweat. But don't be shocked when I hate right back. Fuck them AND their hypocritical fucking "karma rule".
That was written after MW, but it still applies. I have no problem if you want to debate or discuss or even not believe in Discordianism. Thats not the issue. What is the issue is that the Pagan world seems to need a new whipping boy now Christianity has some teeth again and Islam is even more crazy. Sorry, this religion wasn't made for persecution. And unlike certain Pagans, we don't whine and try to be morally superior, or find a smaller religion to pick on. We fight back.

If you do want some sites where Discordians are welcomed, but not in the majority, then I suggest either Mystic Awakenings (where the owners are friendly and there is a Discordian/Subgenii mod) or Questing Spirits, where the owner herself is very much a Chaote.

But as for the rest of you, you may wanna watch out. This latest incident has pretty much proved Discordianism cannot seem to coexist with elitist windbags and two bit wannabes. I think its safe to say in the future, we wont be as nice or as forgiving as we have been...

Thursday, March 22, 2007

The Purpose of This Blog

The purpose this blog serves is to provide myself an outlet for my rants on politics, religion, and generally mock everything and everyone in my generally discordian way.

 

~Angel

"Halt! Hammerzeit!"